It is a hard time of year. The darkness seems to gather momentum as the solstice looms. These shorter, colder days amplify challenges for those who are suffering – the mentally ill, the homeless, the unemployed, the grieving, the addicted, the poor, the recovering – in other words, all of us in some way or another.
The night presses in from both sides. It enshrouds us and forces us to face life’s tribulations and uncertainties without the benefit of sunshine and warmth or even daylight. It can feel ominous at times, even scary in a primal sort of way.
We are endlessly bombarded with advertising which aims to convince us that our happiness will be found outside of us somewhere in the form of a diamond ring, a fancy car, the right clothes, or a dinner at the Olive Garden. We know this is the wrong idea and do our best to cope with these messages, but they can get under our skin regardless.
My own anxiety at this time of year is both heightened and alleviated by talking with patients in the clinic. I see how things are harder for people, but I also enjoy my time with them and the privilege of playing a small role in their healing and comfort. In turn, I feel comforted and healed by my short encounters with them.
My wise mother gave me a solid piece of advice years ago at a tough time in my life when things I counted on were falling apart: people were dying, my marriage was unraveling, and money was a problem. She said “Just remember, while all this hard stuff is going on, your children are growing up, and they will never be little again, so even though it seems hard, keep enjoying your life and your time with them in the middle of it all.”
She gave me permission to have fun in the middle of a dark time, and I needed that permission. And so, while I felt my feelings about how hard things were, I also made sure to have a good time. And if I hadn’t it would’ve been a shame, because those hard times lasted awhile and on the other side of them, my children were not so little any more. There are still tentacles from that time that want to grab me sometimes, but I know how to let them brush against me without pulling me back.
And this is how I approach the dark and the holidays. I let the hard parts, the memories, the ghosts, the fear, let it all brush up against me but not drag me under. I light the little candles on the advent wreath, and I allow myself to enjoy many small amazing things while I wait for the light to come back into the world, and then it doesn’t seem so hard.
Two wonderful 13-year-old boys enjoy breakfast by candlelight at the darkest time of the year.
I love this.
Thanks, I hope you’re doing well over there in the darkness on the other coast…xo
I love what your Mom told you.
Glad you do, she’s kinda smart my mom!
Such good counsel — and we could surely all use it!!! Blessings… (and I’ve always found that starting my day by reading my little Advent prayer book and lighting the Advent wreath candle makes me remember what this holiday season is all about — and brings me peace… at least for a little while!!)
Hi Betty, Thank you! By the way, my mom asked me yesterday for your Heifer blog address. We are fans!
Moms can be great. I love how what we focus on is then what we bring to the light. Contentment from within. A lovely message — especially this time of year. Thank you!
Moms sure CAN be great. My mommy is pretty awesome. Yes, I used to carry a little card around with me that reminded me that I get to choose what I am going to focus on. I need to be reminded…
That’s a great idea… to find some random way to remind yourself of your choices and what you focus on.
Your mum was right! Great words.
Thanks! I bet if she’s reading this she’ll enjoy reading the words “your mum was right”. I hope some day my kids will deeply acknowledge my “rightness”. Haha! It took me a while…A girl can dream!
Ha ha, I am sure they will. We all get to a point in life and admit that our mumwas right
your mother is a wise person, thank you for sharing ~ easy to forget in the midst of the darkness.
Wonderful advice.
I think you are a great, intelligent writer who I enjoy reading when ever you post very much and that is why I am nominating you for the Wonderful Team Member Readership Award. If you choose to accept please visit http://lisalday111711.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/wonderful-team-member-readership-award/ for details and thanks again for sharing your life and thoughts with us
Lisa
Thank you very much Lisa, I am honored! I don’t generally do blog awards, but it means a lot to me to be nominated…